I recognize that I am a negative thinker. I am constantly mentally berating myself for not living up to the impossible standards I have for myself.
I think that word so often. Even in success I can find some failure within it.
I wonder where this harshness for myself came from. I don’t remember being so critical when I was younger. I was critical, like most, but not overly critical.
I swear it has gotten worse. It could be just getting older or it could be that more responsibility begets more opportunity for labeling failure.
Having children racheted up my failures exponentially. At least in my own head.
Take on more responsibility at work? Fail more and more.
My husband has learned to remind me of my successes to help ground me in reality. It’s good to have someone who will counterpoint your ridiculous criticisms of yourself.
I’m working on catching myself in that negative mindset and cutting it off. It isn’t too hard to recognize but is hard to shut it down. Even harder to find those positives to tell myself.
I recently mixed up the dates for signing up my son for the science fair and immediately went into failure thinking. ”I’m such a bad mom. Too much going on and not paying enough attention to the kids.” Then within a couple days they extended the dates for signing up and no harm done. What a waste of energy being negative. Now I can still help him with his project and he will be happy.
Work is incredibly busy and I find myself feeling like a failure because I have trouble keeping everything that is going on day to day at work in my head for fast retrieval. But on the other hand it provided me with an opportunity to organize an important delivery. Having to right it all down and touch base with others frequently got us where we needed to be. And I was thanked for it.
Failure isn’t an absolute. When you feel like a failure, open your mind to turn it around into something useful. Then maybe someday, failure won’t be the first thing you feel when the universe mixes it up for you.