Failure

Fail

I recognize that I am a negative thinker.  I am constantly mentally berating myself for not living up to the impossible standards I have for myself.

Failure.

I think that word so often.  Even in success I can find some failure within it.

I wonder where this harshness for myself came from.  I don’t remember being so critical when I was younger.  I was critical, like most, but not overly critical.

I swear it has gotten worse.  It could be just getting older or it could be that more responsibility begets more opportunity for labeling failure.

Having children racheted up my failures exponentially.  At least in my own head.

Take on more responsibility at work?  Fail more and more.

My husband has learned to remind me of my successes to help ground me in reality.  It’s good to have someone who will counterpoint your ridiculous criticisms of yourself.

I’m working on catching myself in that negative mindset and cutting it off.  It isn’t too hard to recognize but is hard to shut it down.  Even harder to find those positives to tell myself.

I recently mixed up the dates for signing up my son for the science fair and immediately went into failure thinking.  ”I’m such a bad mom.  Too much going on and not paying enough attention to the kids.”  Then within a couple days they extended the dates for signing up and no harm done.  What a waste of energy being negative.  Now I can still help him with his project and he will be happy.

Work is incredibly busy and I find myself feeling like a failure because I have trouble keeping everything that is going on day to day at work in my head for fast retrieval.  But on the other hand it provided me with an opportunity to organize an important delivery.  Having to right it all down and touch base with others frequently got us where we needed to be.  And I was thanked for it.

Failure isn’t an absolute.  When you feel like a failure, open your mind to turn it around into something useful.  Then maybe someday, failure won’t be the first thing you feel when the universe mixes it up for you.

Do I Have Anything More To Say

I was recently reminded that my blog has been around for almost four years now.  It’s natural to look around and see other blogs that have been around that long and compare.  Some are fairing far better than my own.  You know, folks who actually write regularly and engage all over the blogosphere.  And some are no more.  I’ve seen several friends decide to pack theirs up.

I’ve been thinking about doing that myself.  But I don’t think I’m ready to say goodbye to my space.

I know some bloggers who simply write whenever they feel like it and it doesn’t matter how frequent it is.  I still feel like writing even though I have trouble finding the time and when I do pull out the laptop, all my thoughts seems to vanish.

I will treat my space as somewhere I let out the stress and jumbled thoughts and emotions.

It’s an aspect of self-care.  Something I don’t do often enough in any form.

Writing is soothing.  It is healing.  And it is freeing.  No matter what you write about.

So do I have anything more to say?  Yes.  Sometimes.  I do.

Time. It does fly.

When you haven’t written for a while, I think you get a complex about “what should I write about first” when you actually get around to writing.  Is this good enough to be the first post after months of silence?  Why would I write about this after all this time?  Why would anyone want to […]

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Virtual 5K #TNTDuel

I CAN DO THIS

Well I just finished my second 5K.  I haven’t moved this far since my first 5K years ago.  I have done some running and walking since then but not a 5K.  This time I walked the whole thing since I have pretty much done no activity for quite a while. I missed the Diva Dash […]

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#iPPP: Pumpkin Patch

IMG_2452

A few weeks back we went to a pumpkin patch to play and pick out pumpkins.  It was a very warm day which made it a little strange.  We went through the corn maze, sweating profusely.  I’m not the biggest fan of the corn maze since I tend to get a little panicky being closed […]

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This Body Needs An Instruction Manual

We are born with these bodies that we need to take care of for our lifetime.  As babies, our parents are the ones who make sure our bodies are taken care of.  They feed and clothe us and as we grow, they continue to guide how we keep our bodies functioning and safe. Then we […]

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#iPPP: Halloween 2013

halloween13

I had hoped to get some better photos of the kids in their Halloween costumes but once the trick or treating was done, my daughter shed her costume and refused to be photographed further.  So I am stuck with some blurry outside photos and one of just my son and I.  Hubby decided to go […]

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Paleo Update 2 Weeks

So I have been eating a Paleo diet for 2 weeks now.  I wasn’t sure what to expect aside from likely having awful detox symptoms. The first week I didn’t really have any detox symptoms at all.  The first couple of days I had bad head pain but after that it wasn’t bad.  I’m used […]

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Trying Paleo Again

A few weeks back I tried eating Paleo for a few days.  And then I started to get light-headed and felt awful.  So I went back to my regular eating.  And felt better, but not good. Since then I have been doing a lot of reading and thinking.  I’ve felt for a long time that […]

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SOC Sunday: Sleep Apnea

Stream of Consciousness Sunday is 5 minutes of free writing.  No editing, no rewriting, just letting it out. ——————————- Insurance wouldn’t cover a “titration study” for my apnea because they say I should use an APAP with automatically adjusts the pressure and doesn’t require the titration study. So now I guess I wait for my […]

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