Hopeful and Hopeless

migraineI’m sitting here with ear plugs in because we have power tools running every so often in the house and the sound is just enough to pierce my brain. I have my neck warmer on and a can of caffeine. I already zapped my brain with my Cefaly device and now I’m calculating how long I wait before I give in and take medication for the pain.

It is a typical day.

I break out the various tools in my toolbox for dealing with the pain. Try to determine if it is a day worth taking medication and risking more rebound headaches or do I push through and try to give my system a rest from the chemicals. Funny thing how you have to keep on functioning day after day regardless of the pain in your head.

I have an appointment in a few weeks at a headache center that I’ve been to before but it was back in the beginning, at least 15 years ago. The doctors are different, the options are different, maybe my results will be different.

I never give up hope completely.

The last preventative I tried did not work out. Again. The side effects made me distrust my own thinking. I could handle tiredness or a funny taste or even trouble sleeping but something that messes with my thinking and exacerbates my anxiety, I can’t handle. That’s not good for anyone.

So I’ve been trying supplements and this and that while I wait for the next doctor to use me as a guinea pig.

Hopeful and hopeless all at the same time.

Migraines, oh how I loathe thee

I’ve reached the point where it is hard to remember what those glorious days were like just after my IV infusion therapy.  Actually, I reached that point not very long after the therapy.  I am so sad at how little difference it made afterwards.

Probably the one plus is that my rescue medications work better than they did before.  I can actually get some relief when I take them now but slowly and surely that perk is diminishing.

My doctor put me on another preventative that didn’t help so now I am starting yet another.  It is a never-ending trial and error roller coaster that I desperately want to get off.

After my appointment this morning, I came home and sobbed. I just get so frustrated that eventually the hopeless feelings have to pour out. I caught myself thinking all kinds of depressing thoughts and just let the tears fly.

It all just builds up and I can’t put on a smiling face anymore.  I can’t stand to say I’m OK when I’m really not. So I sit by myself and fall apart.

It is a bad day.  The pain is high and my spirit is low. I will cross all my fingers and toes and beg for a little Irish good luck for the next preventative. It’s a cousin of one of tried before that tends to have less side effects. I guess we shall see.

Dare I hope?


Linking up with Shell for the first time in forever.

IV Infusion Therapy For Migraine

I saw my neurologist early this month and told him that I have reached a point where none of my normal medications are working for my pain.  Although I try to keep from taking too many, the sad reality is that I have been taking more and more as preventatives have not worked.  I still […]

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