Family and Parenting Archives - According to Denise

Heartbroken and Angry. We Must Do Something.

18 Dec By Denise

My emotions and my thoughts are all over the place. I have been wanting to write out what is going on in my head and my heart but it is hard to put it into words. I am heartbroken for the victims and families in Newtown. What they are going through is unimaginable but sadly, very real. I am so angry that it happened. That those beautiful babies and the adults who care for them were ripped from the earth.

I close my eyes and I see their pictures. I imagine my own children and I can’t breathe.

I read about them. I wish all the love and light I can to their families, those left behind to pick up the pieces.

I keep asking myself how do we go on as a society? How did we get here? We have to do something. Something has to change.

I want to pull the whole world into a bear hug. But then the next minute I am terrified of the world.

There have been too many of these massacres. After the shootings at VA Tech, my alma mater, a place I love, we were all shocked. My friend lost her cousin there. We as a nation mourned together. Then we moved on. Yes there were things done to better handle a situation like that and to try and prevent it. I see the evidence of that when I go to see my oldest in college.

Although colleges may have made changes, as a society, what did we do? We closed our eyes and hoped that it would not happen again.

But it is still happening.

And now those children are gone. I can’t move on unless we move forward. Make progress toward making our society safer. I know that we can never prevent every bad thing from happening. But we can do more. The status quo isn’t enough for me anymore.

I know there are many, many opinions out there on what could be done, what should be done. We are lucky in this country that we can all put our ideas on the table. We can voice those opinions and demand change. We can contact our legislators, we can organize, we can do something to further whatever course of action we think should be taken.

We should mourn. Grieve. Feel. Then we should act. It is long past time to do so.

I plan to act.

Filed Under: Family and Parenting Tagged With: Anger, Family and Parenting, Getting personal, On my mind

Memories Captured: Go Hawks

18 Oct By Denise

My daughter’s cheer squad got the chance to cheer along with the local high school varsity squad and the girls were so excited. It brought back so many memories of my own cheer days seeing her down there on the track by the field.

Linking up with Memories Captured

Filed Under: Family and Parenting Tagged With: Kids, Meme posts, Photos

14 Comments

PYHO: It’s Not Fair

19 Sep By Denise

Usually when I hear “It’s not fair” the voice is one of my kids and it follows a timeout or other such inconvenience to being a kid. We tell them that life isn’t fair all the time. Sometimes things go your way and sometimes they don’t.

We also point out that they have a lot more than other kids in the world and that isn’t fair but it works out in their favor. So we all have to take the good with the bad and appreciate what we have.

Sounds like a good lesson to learn. It is true, things don’t always go the way you want or wish or even hope with all your heart.

Now I am the one who wants to scream that “It’s not fair”. I want to yell loud how angry I am that sometimes things go so terribly badly that it goes beyond fairness. It just isn’t RIGHT.

It isn’t right for a child to lose their parent or for a parent to lose their child. For a wife to lose her husband or a husband to lose his wife.

It isn’t right that these kinds of bad things happen. Things you have no control over and they rip apart your world.

It isn’t right that those left behind have to find unimaginable strength to lift themselves up and go on living. Go on without part of themselves.

I’m angry this week at the unfairness I’ve seen happening to those I care about. The WRONG.

My heart aches to make things RIGHT again. But I can’t. No one can.

We can only provide support and love. It doesn’t seem like enough.

Life goes on, fair or not.

Filed Under: Family and Parenting Tagged With: Meme posts, On my mind

48 Comments

Memories Captured: Protectors

13 Sep By Denise

T couldn’t find a few Lego pieces in his room and feared the dogs may have eaten them. I told him we’d have to look after school and reminded him that his door would be closed so the dogs wouldn’t do in there while he was gone.

He decided he needed some additional protection for his room so added some guards.

A thought that was a wonderful idea so she added some guards of her own. A bit less menacing but I think that is OK since her room is a huge mess and no one wants to go in there anyway.

Linking up with Memories Captured

Filed Under: Family and Parenting Tagged With: Kids, Meme posts, Photos

4 Comments

PYHO: My Kid Goes Off To College Soon

15 Aug By Denise

He leaves on Friday. My oldest will be off to college. He’s an official adult now and about to leave the comfort of home and go off into the world on his own.

I’ve teared up a few times. I’ve been pretty close to crying. I think I haven’t quite felt it be completely real yet.

He and my other stepsons were here last night and we went to dinner to celebrate and I made a cake. A and T made cards to say how they will miss him. He seems pretty even keeled about the whole thing. I know I was very nervous at that age but he handles it quite well.

This morning I was just looking around the hallway at the clutter. I was making mental notes about how I need to organize the mess. At some point. I noticed that there are still papers from last school year piled up that must be dealt with and I wondered when I would make the time to get to it.

And that was it. The tears started up. I held it together until I dropped off A and T at camp but then I let them flow freely.

I guess it was noting how fast time passes. Maybe. I’m not really sure why that particular moment put a crack in the dam that I have had up.

I know it was just a crack though. I can still feel the pressure of emotion building up.

The last time I’ll see him before he’s off to school is Thursday night. I wonder if I can keep it together in front of him or will I just let it go.

My mom hardly ever cried when I was a kid. She’s one of those glass half full types. But I vividly remember how she cried her eyes out as she got into the car to leave me down at college. I cried quite a bit myself. I was very, very homesick at first.

He’s knows we’ll miss him. We have told him many times. And he can see it in our faces.

I’m so very proud of him. And I know he will do well.

But I will really miss him.

Filed Under: Family and Parenting Tagged With: Kids, Meme posts

20 Comments

Waves are fun: Wordless Wednesday

25 Jul By Denise

Filed Under: Family and Parenting Tagged With: Kids, Photos

4 Comments

Guest Post: You CAN Survive a Vacation With Your Inlaws – True Story!

23 Jul By Denise

Denise is on vacation and she graciously asked me to guest post. I’m Diane, and I “run” the blog One LoCo Mommy. In the interest of full disclosure I should add that we are indeed related. Otherwise, what I’ll write further on won’t make much sense.

Denise is my sister-in-law. The “Husband” in my blog is her brother.

As the old adage goes, when you marry someone, you marry their family. So, I’m extremely lucky that my in-laws are great people. We get along quite well, especially since we live “relatively” close to each other.

Seriously, no one paid me to write that. Stop laughing.

Besides your basic holidays and birthday celebrations, we even went on vacation together. And survived. Actually, I am quite surprised that we haven’t killed each other, even if we do get along. Vacations have a tendency to be rife with conflict when you are in potentially tight quarters.

The first trip together, kinda, was 2003 – Husband and I spent a couple days with her family and their parents in a three bedroom condo in Ocean City, MD. We stopped there on “our” vacation to Atlantic City and New York. It was for two days, and it was perfect – because any longer and it may have been disastrous. Namely, I got to experience a new realm of gastrointestinal noises from various family members.

I guess you could call it the initiation into the family, since we got engaged the following year.

We decided to truly vacation together in 2006. We convinced them to try the Outer Banks, since we loved it there so much. Due to conflicting needs, we ended up in different houses. Kinda in different towns (since one house was in Kitty Hawk and one was in Kill Devil Hills). Since we now had Jack da dog, we wanted a beach that was more dog friendly and Denise needed a larger home for her family. It wasn’t THAT far (what, a mile or two?), honestly, and we were separated far enough to do our own stuff yet get together. That time, their beloved dog Meg had an “episode” and had to go to the doggie hospital for a visit – poor Meg!

Denise, A and Husband in Outer Banks, 2006. It’s crazy how young everyone looks!)

In 2009, we went to Myrtle Beach. They convinced us this time because they liked going down there. It almost was a disaster, as the condo we chose ended up going into foreclosure. Denise might have to refresh my memory, but I’m pretty sure it was within three weeks of going down there. Luckily Denise was able to work something out – we ended up with house with a private pool. Since it was further from the beach than we originally planned, she ended up getting a golf cart thrown into the deal as well. While we enjoyed the time together, it was a bit long for us to do the drive, especially with the dog.

A, T, and B goofing around the house in Myrtle Beach in 2009.

I think successful vacations take a LOT of planning, a LOT of patience, and a LOT of respect. One needs to understand the other’s family dynamics and potentially compromise. For example, Denise has a much larger, blended family, and now we have our own family plus the dog. Seriously, I don’t know how she does it with all her kids. Just the two of mine (three if you count the dog) drive me around the bend!

Maybe we’ll do it again one day in the future. But you know, we’ll definitely need a big house, with a pool, pet friendly, wifi and close beach access. In a reasonable price range. Shouldn’t be THAT hard, right?

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About One LoCo Mommy

I live outside Washington, DC. In many ways I’m the stereotypical suburban mom. I drive a minivan. My son just finished his first soccer season. I’ve been a Room Mom and Playdate Coordinator. I also work full-time, try to work out, and love my Book Club. On top of all that, I am also trying to be a better advocate for my son. I’ve begun blogging on my experiences on our ASD, SPD and ADHD journey, mainly for my sanity. I have a lot of catching up to do.

Filed Under: Family and Parenting, Guest Posts, Miscellaneous Tagged With: Vacation

3 Comments

Kids on The Scrambler: Memories Captured

19 Jul By Denise

I love this photo of A and T riding the Scrambler ride. I think the expressions on their faces capture interesting aspects of each of their personalities.

A looks like she is having the best time. She is enjoying the excitement and thrill of the ride. She tends to be adventurous.

T looks more cautious. He is not so sure about the ride but he kinda likes it. He is a little more reserved about the unknown.

I’m glad that they both will try new things (most of the time) that could be a little bit scary. And I love how this photo captures the unique way each of them approaches the new and scary thing.

Linking up with Alison and Galit for

Filed Under: Family and Parenting Tagged With: Kids, Photos

6 Comments

Playing Pokemon – Wordless Wednesday

18 Jul By Denise

No matter how old you are.

Filed Under: Family and Parenting Tagged With: Kids, Photos

2 Comments

Somehow It All Works Out

11 Jul By Denise

When I was young, I dreamt of being a mom. I thought I would stay at home with my kids and everything would be wonderful. Well, the former didn’t quite work out but the latter still did.

I worked full time in software after graduating from college. When it was time for kids, I knew that financially we needed me to have some income so the stay at home full time thing wouldn’t really work. So we brainstormed what I could do.

My mom had a home based business as a real estate appraiser. Although only 40 minutes away, it was in the next state. I decided to get my appraiser license and work with her. I took courses online and passed my test and worked as her apprentice. My dad would watch my son while mom and I did inspections and worked. The plan was too eventually use the state reciprocity so I could be licensed in my own state and work for myself.

Then it was time for another kid. What we realized was that with 2 kids, it was going to be a lot more difficult to run an appraisal business of my own. I would not have granddaddy-daycare anymore and would be spending a lot of time for inspections and reports and would have to figure out what to do with the kids. And the biggest concern? I was expending a lot of effort but not making nearly what I did in software.

So we brainstormed more. I approached my former company with a proposal. I would come back 20 hours a week, working only one day in the office. They jumped at that. I was really happy because it made me feel important to them.

At first I tried working hours in the afternoon after my husband got home and then going in for a full day on Fridays. That worked for a while but we really needed some childcare help so that I could work during normal hours. So we used a nanny for a few hours a few days a week. She would watch the kids while I worked at home. Eventually I stopped going into the office and worked all my hours at home.

We also used au pairs for a few years so I could work more hours while still being able to have lunch with the kids and take breaks to see them throughout the day. Having an au pair provided a lot of flexibility for a very reasonable cost. It really worked well for us.

Now that both kids are in elementary school, I can work from home during the school day. I get to see them in the morning to get them on the bus and in the afternoon as soon as they get home. It is a great balance for me.

So after trying a few things, I found what works for me. It may not always be easy. Sick kids, teacher workdays, and summer vacation are all challenges. But my husband and I work together to make it work.

I encourage all moms to figure out what makes the right balance for them. Whether it is working full time in an office, part time telecommuting, home based business, stay at home full time … there is something for all of us. It may take a few tries to find it but you will and it will be wonderful.

I posted this originally on another site that appears to no longer be in existence so I resurrected it here.