“I feel broken and I don’t know how to fix it”
I utter these words to my husband through tears.
I have been fighting the abyss for so long.
I have no energy to make change.
I have no more fight in me.
I feel betrayed by my body and my mind.
Honestly I haven’t made any real progress or real change in a long time.
I move through my days trying not to let myself crack open, not to let myself drown in the waves of stress and sadness.
But I just can’t change it.
I’ve been feeling the stress building.
I’ve been losing my battle with the waves and when I go under I wonder if I’ll come back up.
And then I broke.
It is all crashing down.
I’m buried by debris.
Forced under the waves with no fight, no energy to surface.
I look around and all I see is broken pieces.
Sadness.
Hopelessness.
The mess of my existence is completely overwhelming.
“I feel broken and I don’t know how to fix it”
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Note to my caring and wonderful readers: This is how I felt a few weeks ago. I was able to make some changes since then and I actually feel a lot better. I will post more about that later. I wanted to share these feelings but I waited until I was able to. Smooches.
I’m so glad to read your update and know that you are feeling better. xo
Btw, I love your new look!
Shell recently posted..Pour Your Heart Out: When I Can’t Be Upbeat
Twitter: acctodenise
says:
Thanks Shell! Can’t wait to write about how I started to emerge. This was an all time low for me and frankly, I was scared.
Found you through “Pour Your Heart Out”. So glad to see you are feeling better! I find that I have those same feelings more than I’d like to admit. You’re not alone.
((HUGS))
Jodi recently posted..Pour Your Heart Out: Letting Go
Twitter: acctodenise
says:
I’ve been surprised by how many women have felt the same feelings. It’s nice to know I’m not alone but also I wish that so many people didn’t have to suffer
Better days are coming and I’m glad that you’ve emerged from that dreadful day. I have days where, like you, have no will power nor motivation to go on. But a new day brings on new hope. Nice to know you through Shell. Continue to emerge. You are beautiful.
Sela Toki recently posted..My Mahonrai
Twitter: acctodenise
says:
Thank you so much. You are wonderful for commenting and lending support.
I don’t know your circumstances but if you suffer from depression, please know that there are ways to emerge from the fog provided you’re willing to work and challenge yourself and step outside your comfort zone. In short, provided you *want* to get better. Which it sounds like you do. (I was so glad to read your update.)
I also battle depression, and I speak from experience when I say that the hardest part – the darkest, loneliest part – is acknowledging there’s a problem. But there’s no shame in it. And emerging back into the world with feelings of hope and happiness is so worth the effort it takes to get there.
Kristin @ What She Said recently posted..Utilizing the Power of Social Media
Twitter: acctodenise
says:
I hate that the darkness sneaks up on you and you are so low before you even realize what it happening. Thanks for you thoughts.
I’m sorry for these difficult times and so glad you’re feeling better. It’s really nice to see so much support from the blogging world. Friends and strangers alike care about you! xoxo
Twitter: acctodenise
says:
It is great how many will send comfort. Thanks sweetie.
Twitter: adriennesfts
says:
I’m glad that you’re starting to feel better!
Adrienne recently posted..Afraid
Twitter: acctodenise
says:
Thanks so much!
I have absolutely been there. I’m glad you are feeling better. It’s such a scary place to be.
Anastasia recently posted..Trick Or Treat-RemembeRED
Twitter: acctodenise
says:
It definitely is a scary place.
Twitter: kristen_alsfm
says:
Big Hugs. I know the broken feeling….. welcome back.
Kristen recently posted..I’m Not Ready
Twitter: acctodenise
says:
At the time I really did not know how to mend myself. So grateful that I started to heal.
This is such a beautiful and authentic post! Those feelings are crushing….I’ve been there too. So glad to see you’re feeling better. I think by being honest and open you are helping yourself heal. When I was feeling like this I tried to hide it…and that was the worse thing I could do. Other people understood and gave such wise console.
Stopping by from Pour Your Heart Out
Kristi recently posted..Sons and the Girls They Love
Twitter: acctodenise
says:
It was really helpful for me to lay it all out to my husband when I felt like that and now to lay it out for others as I feel better. Sharing is good therapy.
Pretty powerful stuff. I’m glad you made a turn for the better. You looked fab at the Walk and in great spirits.
Diane recently posted..Wordless Wednesday: Ghosts of Halloween Pasts…
Twitter: acctodenise
says:
I am really doing so much better. I’m surprised at the turn around.
I am really doing so much better. welcome back. You looked fab at the Walk and in great spirits. Thanks for you thoughts.
Isabel Fischer recently posted..Acne Tips