Anger Archives - According to Denise

Finding My Joy

2 Jan By Denise

I have been finding it hard to write lately. A part of myself has felt frozen in time after the tragedy at Sandy Hook Elementary School. Although outwardly I have been moving forward and on, there is still a part of me so sad and broken over the horror. But I need to write to cope and to let out my thoughts and emotions. There will be a sadness for a long time but I am learning that even though there is sadness and heartache, there is also joy and I need to expend at least as much energy on the joy.

So, being that it is a new year and all that, I have decided to set my focus on finding and feeling my joy wherever I can. I recently went back to therapy because I have been struggling with the dark, cold fingers of depression and anxiety trying to take hold and drag me down. And just as always happens when I start back up therapy, I get schooled on my negative thinking.

Honestly my mind can craft a web of negatively around virtually anything, even something that would look to a normal person as a positive. It’s a gift, or rather, a bloody curse.

I have been actively trying to root out and stomp out my Negative Nancy tendencies and replace them with positive statements, what ifs, things like that. I even checked out a book from library written by the Dalai Lama himself to work on focusing on the positive.

No joke, I am kicking my negativity to the curb.

And, in the process, finding joy where I should have known it always was … right in front of me. Surrounding me everywhere.

I just always had my negative shades on while looking.

So this year will be a journey of finding my joy in the everyday things. Changing my negative thoughts into positive ones.

I figured I have spent so many years wasting my energy on worry, regret, sadness, anger and fear. If I spent even just a fraction of that energy on sending out positive vibes to the universe and finding the joy around me, I would be so much better off. So that is what I intend to do. No more “I can’t”. Everything is “I can”, “I will”, “I am”.

Filed Under: Health and Wellness Tagged With: Anger, Anxiety, Depression, Getting personal, Mental Health, On my mind, Working on myself

18 Comments

Heartbroken and Angry. We Must Do Something.

18 Dec By Denise

My emotions and my thoughts are all over the place. I have been wanting to write out what is going on in my head and my heart but it is hard to put it into words. I am heartbroken for the victims and families in Newtown. What they are going through is unimaginable but sadly, very real. I am so angry that it happened. That those beautiful babies and the adults who care for them were ripped from the earth.

I close my eyes and I see their pictures. I imagine my own children and I can’t breathe.

I read about them. I wish all the love and light I can to their families, those left behind to pick up the pieces.

I keep asking myself how do we go on as a society? How did we get here? We have to do something. Something has to change.

I want to pull the whole world into a bear hug. But then the next minute I am terrified of the world.

There have been too many of these massacres. After the shootings at VA Tech, my alma mater, a place I love, we were all shocked. My friend lost her cousin there. We as a nation mourned together. Then we moved on. Yes there were things done to better handle a situation like that and to try and prevent it. I see the evidence of that when I go to see my oldest in college.

Although colleges may have made changes, as a society, what did we do? We closed our eyes and hoped that it would not happen again.

But it is still happening.

And now those children are gone. I can’t move on unless we move forward. Make progress toward making our society safer. I know that we can never prevent every bad thing from happening. But we can do more. The status quo isn’t enough for me anymore.

I know there are many, many opinions out there on what could be done, what should be done. We are lucky in this country that we can all put our ideas on the table. We can voice those opinions and demand change. We can contact our legislators, we can organize, we can do something to further whatever course of action we think should be taken.

We should mourn. Grieve. Feel. Then we should act. It is long past time to do so.

I plan to act.

Filed Under: Family and Parenting Tagged With: Anger, Family and Parenting, Getting personal, On my mind

Frustration

19 Sep By Denise

: Image via Wikipedia

Honestly I don’t know if my tolerance for frustration is better or worse than anybody else’s but I sure can’t stand it when I fly past my limit. It was not the best week. The last 2 days of work were unpleasant at best. The weekend was full of not listening. I have reached and exceeded my tolerance!

So now what? Just about everything pisses me off. Even when someone is trying to be nice and understanding, I just want to scream. I’m snippy. I can’t get through simple things without wanted to smack someone. Hell, I even somehow ended up in a panic attack Saturday night and it took me forever to deep breathe myself back to just simmering.

Work this week is going to suck too. I hate arguing with folks but I seem to keep doing it because I feel like different sets of folks are speaking different languages. Any no one can agree.

Plus it is always a busy week at home. Kids driving me nuts. Can’t ever get anything accomplished. Incredibly frustrating.

So, internet buddies, what do I do? Start throwing things and opening up a can of whoop ass on folks? That probably won’t help. Relaxing bubble bath? Yeah, that will work for all of 30 minutes. I know my husband has suggestions. What about you?