I have been finding it hard to write lately. A part of myself has felt frozen in time after the tragedy at Sandy Hook Elementary School. Although outwardly I have been moving forward and on, there is still a part of me so sad and broken over the horror. But I need to write to cope and to let out my thoughts and emotions. There will be a sadness for a long time but I am learning that even though there is sadness and heartache, there is also joy and I need to expend at least as much energy on the joy.
So, being that it is a new year and all that, I have decided to set my focus on finding and feeling my joy wherever I can. I recently went back to therapy because I have been struggling with the dark, cold fingers of depression and anxiety trying to take hold and drag me down. And just as always happens when I start back up therapy, I get schooled on my negative thinking.
Honestly my mind can craft a web of negatively around virtually anything, even something that would look to a normal person as a positive. It’s a gift, or rather, a bloody curse.
I have been actively trying to root out and stomp out my Negative Nancy tendencies and replace them with positive statements, what ifs, things like that. I even checked out a book from library written by the Dalai Lama himself to work on focusing on the positive.
No joke, I am kicking my negativity to the curb.
And, in the process, finding joy where I should have known it always was … right in front of me. Surrounding me everywhere.
I just always had my negative shades on while looking.
So this year will be a journey of finding my joy in the everyday things. Changing my negative thoughts into positive ones.
I figured I have spent so many years wasting my energy on worry, regret, sadness, anger and fear. If I spent even just a fraction of that energy on sending out positive vibes to the universe and finding the joy around me, I would be so much better off. So that is what I intend to do. No more “I can’t”. Everything is “I can”, “I will”, “I am”.