Headache Archives - According to Denise

PYHO: Diet and Migraines – A Month of GF/DF

15 May By Denise

It has been a little over a month since I went dairy free and gluten free. When I started I really expected a change. I had test results that I could see that indicated issues with dairy. I thought, “finally this is it”.

But so far I don’t see anything good. My headaches have actually been worse. Granted, the barometric pressure has been conspiring against me as well so who’s to say where the failure lies.

Not to mention I’ve also been trying supplements to help my headaches and stabilize nutrient deficiencies at the same time. In other words I’ve changed a flurry of variables and am left with no positive results and no clear villain to blame.

Unless of course I just blame myself which is a favorite pastime.

So where do I go from here?

I am miserable. The chronic pain is exhausting and frustrating and the dietary restrictions are annoying.

I’ve had in the back of my mind for a long while that I just might have to eliminate virtually everything to see if I can make a dent in this pain cycle. Go full on raw vegan for at least some short period to see if helps. To see if I can begin to identify any food villains.

But I have been afraid of feeling deprived. Of having nothing to eat. Of feeling like utter crap.

I feel that way now. So how much worse could it get?

I know it could be bad. I have attempted detoxes with food before and I end up curled up in the fetal position in horrible pain and pukimg my guts out.

Guess that means I’m pretty toxic.

Maybe I need to be simpler. Focus on what to add instead of what to subtract. I used to be good about having green smoothies but I got out of the habit. Maybe if I focused on increasing my fruits and vegetables. Have green smoothies everyday and snack on fruits and veggies. Increase my water intake.

It seems that would be gentler to my system and allow for moderation instead of deprivation.

I don’t know what to do.

I’m miserable and I feel like my body is screaming at me that it needs something but I have no idea what it is. And I have no idea how to figure it out.

I wish I had some sort of reset button. Some way to start over without shocking my system into rebellion.

Why can’t I find something that helps? There has to be something. Because I’m breaking and I need something to mend me.

Filed Under: Health and Wellness Tagged With: Chronic pain, Gluten free, Headache, Meme posts, Migraine

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PYHO: Diet and Headaches

24 Apr By Denise

After report cards, we take the kids out for a celebratory dinner because they all often do well. This morning I told A and T that we would try to go this weekend when their older brothers are here and that we’d go to Red Robin again. We just went to Red Robin with my parents last weekend so although they love it, they were less than thrilled.

“But Mommy can eat there” was my response.

You see after going both gluten and dairy free, it has become difficult to eat out. I know I will eventually get a groove and be able to branch out, but for right now, I have to stick to what I know is safe.

The kids have taken much pity on me for my dietary restrictions. T says that even if being dairy free might help his migraines or hyperactivity, he would not give up his beloved milk. That is an argument for another day as we have no reason at this point to believe that it could help him.

A told me “being dairy free is the worst thing that could happen to a person.”

Whoa, wait, hold on little girl, stop right there! I took the opportunity to talk about how eating healthier for my particular body’s needs is not “the worst thing” and that there are far more serious issues that others face. It may be difficult for me right now, but change always is difficult.

She agreed that she misspoke and clarified that she just thinks it is hard and wishes I didn’t have to do it. I can understand as I agree.

But that also reminded me of something a friend told me the other day as we discussed dietary restrictions that may help like raw or vegan eating. She said “Having headaches is hard. Cutting out meat and cheese … Not hard.”

And she really is right. All the energy I spend fighting head pain is really hard. It may seem the easier path because it is what I have grown used to but it is not easier. Being healthy and pain-free would be easier if I put forth the energy to get there.

So I have to remember as I grumble to myself about how much I really want to stuff my face with bread and cheese that I am on a journey to find the path that works best for me. What will eventually be the “easier” path.

Because having headaches is hard.

Don’t forget to check out my Minted giveaway!

Filed Under: Health and Wellness Tagged With: Dairy Free, Gluten free, Headache, Migraine, Working on myself

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A Day In Pain

4 Mar By Denise

The alarm sounds and for a second as I wake, there is no pain. Then I shake off the sleep and I can feel it starting. It’s not bad, just some minor throbbing. Hubby is already at work and I have to get the kids off to camp so there is no time to try to sleep off the pain.

The kids are eating and I am getting their lunches together. “Can you be a little quieter guys? Mommy has a headache.” I feel sad for a moment because they weren’t being especially loud and I really do say that to them all too often.

Getting ready for the day with head pain can make the whole process more frustrating. We get out the door and are off to camp.

After dropping them off, I had to do an internal check. I have a neurologist appointment to get to and my head has gotten worse. Sometimes dizziness and nausea accompanies the pain which can make driving difficult, especially on highways. But I need to take the highway to get to my appointment on time.

So I check my head and my equilibrium and decide I will be fine on the highway. And I note how much I hate having to do this internal check just to get from point A to B.

During the appointment we discuss yet another medication in the never-ending trial and error to find something that will help. I get a little upset as I talk but I try to hold it in. In the parking lot I let it out and cry for a while before heading home.

At home I need to work so I take medicine because the pain has gotten pretty intense. Luckily it takes the edge off but I’m disappointed that it didn’t completely make the pain go away.

After a few hours of working it is clear I need to close my eyes for a while. I sit in a dark room with my warm neck pillow and an ice pack on top of my head. I spend at least 30 minutes like this so I can get a second wind and finish my work day.

Hubby picks up the kids and handles getting them dinner so I can rest. Once they are in bed I watch a little TV on the couch and go to bed early in the hopes of avoiding a similar day tomorrow. But no matter what I try, it is a crap shoot whether I will be in pain or not.

Filed Under: Health and Wellness Tagged With: Headache, Migraine

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Gluten Free, Take 2

2 Mar By Denise

It’s been almost 3 years since A, T and I went gluten free for about 3 months or so. We had some improvements, then wondered whether the improvements really stuck and eventually ended up having some gluten free meals but for the most part we ate whatever at that point. For A and T, we don’t limit what they eat anymore.

For me, since I was told I was negative for Celiac, I kept telling myself that I just needed to limit gluten and not eliminate it. There wasn’t any “real” reason to be GF since no test had proved a need.

I am the Queen of Invisible Ailments. I have migraines and anxiety and stomach issues but no physical proof of anything and thus no clear path to fix anything. It is incredibly frustrating.

For about two weeks now I have been completely gluten free again. And this time I have started writing down how I feel. Last time I didn’t do that and I can’t remember anything. Of course.

What I have noticed (and recorded so I remember later) is that I am nauseous much less than before. Even when I have head pain, I am not as nauseous. Meals don’t lead to feeling crappy all the time.

So I’m going to keep eating gluten free and journal about how I am feeling. I need to try to figure out whether it is helping or not. My gut tells me it does (haha, gut, I’m so funny).

Are there other folks out there who have tested negative for Celiac and feel they have a gluten intolerance? How did you figure out gluten was the issue?

Filed Under: Health and Wellness Tagged With: Gluten free, Headache, Working on myself

PYHO: Sometimes you have to up your meds

10 Oct By Denise

There has been a lot of struggle, tragedy and sadness lately. Some close and some far. I have a heavy heart for so many people lately.

For myself, I have been struggling as my anxiety and depression creeps back in. Who knows which came first, the sadness I’ve been seeing or the sadness I’ve been feeling. It doesn’t matter really.

I know that I have to step back and look at how I’m coping. Sometimes I can handle a little extra stress and sometimes I just can’t.

Honestly I hate taking medications. You would find that funny if you could see the pharmacy of crap I take for various things and my history of trying pretty much everything under the sun for my chronic migraines. I seem to be über sensitive to the side effects of most things. And, just for kicks, my body can come up with new and doctor stumping side effects. Like when an ADHD medication caused frightening suicidal thoughts and my doctor had never heard of that happening before but once I stopped the medication, they were gone.

So I try to avoid changes in medication or supplements as much as possible.

But after crying in two different neurologist appointments, I had to admit that, sometimes, you just have to up your meds.

So at my next psyche appointment we talked about options and decided a small increase would be good. It’s been about a week and a half and I can feel that it is taking the edge off a bit more that it was before.

I am still having nightmares though and trouble sleeping. I feel like there is still a cloud that I can’t shake yet.

But we’ll see how it goes. I have gotten pretty good a paying attention to my body and mind. Writing out my thoughts and feeling in this space has helped me to understand myself better.

It’s a journey, this life thing. Ups, downs, loops. What a ride.

Filed Under: Health and Wellness Tagged With: ADHD, Anxiety, Chronic pain, Depression, Getting personal, Headache, Meme posts, Migraine, Stress, Working on myself

14 Comments

PYHO: You need to be quiet, Mommy has a headache

3 Oct By Denise

I hate saying it. Really HATE it. Hate when Hubby has to say it or when the kids say it to each other.

Tuesday was a rough day for my head. The pain was worse than in the last few weeks. I particularly dislike the feeling of an ice pick through my eyeball.

When the kids got off the bus, I was pretty fragile from working all day with the pain. They walked in and immediately got on each other’s nerves.

A has a bit of trouble using an inside voice so she can really pierce my eardrums and hurt my head. As she got louder, I put my hand up to her mouth and told her that if she couldn’t be quiet, she would have to go to her room away from me. How is that fair? She wasn’t really doing anything all that wrong. But I just couldn’t take the sound.

Then I asked them to unload all their school stuff and start their homework while I lay on the couch with my eyes closed. Waiting for Hubby to come home so I could get to a quieter place.

I can’t stand how much my headaches impact those around me. They are just kids, they should be able to be (reasonably) loud without constantly being told to be quiet. They shouldn’t have to feel like they are causing me pain just by playing.

It all around sucks. For everyone.

Filed Under: Health and Wellness Tagged With: Family and Parenting, Headache, Meme posts, Migraine

14 Comments

Calm My Crazy: My Brain

28 Sep By Denise

Yesterday I read a post over at Babble by the awesome Cecily Kellogg about living with her broken brain. It really spoke to me because I could see myself in her words.

You guys know about my struggles with chronic migraines, anxiety, depression, ADHD. I write a lot about the pain and emotions. The never ending attempts at relief.

I can get pretty angry about it. Cursing myself. Feeling as if it is all my fault. Hating my brain.

But Cecily spoke to me. Reminded me that my brain is also wonderful.

My brain is logical. It is inquisitive. It makes me good at my job.

My brain makes me empathetic and kind. Loving. A good wife and mother.

My brain makes me who I am.

A strong woman who doesn’t give up.

Check out this post to find out more about the Calm My Crazy meme. This weekly post is for me and for you. A place to share our moment of calm. Something that brings us a little peace and happiness in a world of crazy.

Filed Under: Calm My Crazy Tagged With: ADHD, Anxiety, Chronic pain, Depression, Headache, Meme posts, Mental Health, Migraine, Working on myself

6 Comments

How they see me

12 Jan By Denise

Katie over at Sluiter Nation wrote a post a while back about how she wouldn’t be the mom that kids couldn’t play with and be around because of sickness or depression. This post has stuck with me since I read it. And there is one simple reason.

I am that mom.

Interestingly enough, it is not the depression or anxiety that usually keeps me from my life. Mostly it is the migraines.

And they don’t always take me away from my kids. Many days I can function through them. But it does impact how I can interact with them.

“Be quieter guys, Mommy has a headache”

“Mommy has to go lay down for a little bit to get rid of her headache, then we can play more”

Etc, etc

Recently Hubby told me that when A and T were playing and creating an imaginary world, T had indicated that the moms were “lazy” in this world.

And my heart broke.

Is that how he sees me? He sees Daddy doing many things like dishes and laundry while Mommy “rests”. He sees Daddy get up with them on the weekends because Mommy’s head hurts and she needs a little more sleep.

And he has interpreted that to mean that I am lazy. That moms are lazy.

Also, recently, A has been complaining more about not spending enough time with me. She is pretty clingy to me and we are working on some separation issues. But when I pointed out to her that I see her every day, she responded “I don’t see you that much when you sleep all day”

Ouch.

Hubby and I have tried really hard to make everything “normal” even though I can be so affected by my headaches. But apparently it is not working.

A has also just started processing the concept of death since losing our pug dog back in April. And she tells me she is scared I am going to die while she is in school. I know that is part of her understanding death and has a lot to do with how attached she is to me but I imagine that my issues play into that fear as well.

I don’t want to be that mom.

I am doing a lot of different things to improve my wellness. Those I’ll leave for another post.

I guess there is a positive in all of this. My kids are constantly seeing me work to improve my well-being.

I don’t give up.

And maybe they will realize how strong I actually am.

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Filed Under: Health and Wellness Tagged With: Family and Parenting, Getting personal, Headache, Kids, Working on myself

4 Comments

Love for Punkeelove Headache Free Headbands

4 May By Denise

Having chronic migraines has a lot of downsides. One of which is that they make it nearly impossible to find a comfortable hair accessory. Anything that goes around my head feels like a vice squeezing me until my eyes pop out. Anything that pulls the roots of my hair in an unnatural direction feels like someone grabbing and yanking over and over. I must say, it is quite ridiculous. I have purchased many headbands, ponytail holders, scrunchies, you name it, I’ve tried it. And I can never wear anything for more than a couple of hours without pain. It’s funny because I have a friend who also suffers from migraines who almost always wears her hair in a ponytail. I don’t know how she does it. I guess it’s true that everyone’s triggers are different. If I tried that I may as well just lie down in the fetal position in a dark closet and never move again.

After the last set of headbands I stupidly purchased and, of course, they were vice-like, I hit up the internet. I came across a fitness blog that talked about a headache free headband. “Yeah, right” I thought. I went to the website (Punkeelove Headbands) to check it out. The selection was very nice and it seemed like it may be possible this headband style that I haven’t tried before could work. Skeptical, I contacted them directly to ask about it. I wondered if I could sample the headband and write what I thought about it. They graciously agreed.

So A picked out this lovely headache free headband and I anxiously awaited its arrival.

As soon as I opened the package, I could really see the positives of this headband. Being adjustable and having an underlayer that could hold on to hair without having spikes or other such nasty things was really cool. I threw it on my head and waited. OK, I didn’t really wait, I went about my business.

After a few hours (yes more than 2), I felt a slight twinge but quickly loosened it up to the biggest it could get and the twinge was gone. I even wore it to work out while adjusted to its largest size and it didn’t move around or fall off. I was definitely impressed.

It’s been about a week now and I’ve worn the headband at least part of every day and it has been great. I can’t believe I finally found something pretty I can put in my hair that won’t cause me pain! A truly headache free headband!

Thank you Punkeelove! You rock! Any of my internet buddies who would like to check them out, go to Punkeelove Headbands

Disclosure: I received a free headband to try out but all opinions are my own.